Abstract Plans

I am broken.

I can never remember plans. Not unless they're written down on a calendar or something.

I want to try to explain it. To get it into words. Because the act of turning thoughts into words usually helps me understand things.

In my mind a lot of future events are .. theoretical? I don't think that's the right word, but I don't know what the right word would actually be. If you say "I'm going to a show on Saturday" or even "Do you want to do something next week?" I can engage in that conversation, but it happens in a kind of abstract sense.

  1. Yes, you're going to a show, that sounds great. You could wear this and that. I hope you have fun. (End of story)
  2. I would love to do something next week. I'm free on Tuesdays. (End of story)

It doesn't ever slot into the.. the bigger picture? Again I can't find the right words. It doesn't switch from abstract to concrete in my mind until something happens to make it "real". Like, writing it on a calendar.

And when it's abstract, my mind doesn't hold onto it. I might recall it if reminded, but often it will have completely gone and I won't know what you're talking about if you bring it up again.

And then things happen. And I'm surprised by them.

  1. Oh, you can't hang out because you're at a show? (Rejection sensitivity activates)
  2. Oh, you want to do something on Tuesday? I'm not physically or emotionally prepared for that. (Change aversion activates)

It's too easy for conversations to take place in a part of my brain that is isolated. Maybe compartmentalised is a relevant word? I need a specific event or ritual to push it over into the "real world", to give it actual consequence and to fit it in with things that are actually happening. And I struggle with that.



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Matthew Kerwin

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neurodivergence
I can never remember plans. Not unless they're written down on a calendar or something. I want to try to explain it. To get it into words. Because the act of turning thoughts into words usually helps me understand things.

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